Absent blogger

It is hard to come back. It is hard to write something after you haven't written in ages. What is there to say? I feel as though I should be bringing back profound insights from my hiatus as a blogger, but I did not. I think blogging is not for me. I often want to write about something and then second guess myself into not doing it--no one is interested, too personal, boring, poorly written, the excuses are bountiful, and of course there is sitting at the computer long enough to blog but not to do all of the other things I should be doing.

We are in another phase of "Should I stay or should I go." Annoying isn't it? It is almost a joke every time we start the discussion because we know that there is no answer and no conclusion to come to. After returning to the US for a few weeks I came back with a definite answer--LEAVE, but it was at this moment that Sam had been thinking STAY, so we convinced each other right back into the middle. I have not felt so directionless in a long time and this is not only in regards to staying or leaving but everything that goes with it--building a life somewhere and making the choices that will close doors that I am not sure I want closed. On top of this, I spent the last week in bed with a nasty stomach infection, with plenty of time to get depressed and measure out all of my shortcomings and what I have not accomplished with my time here.

And as proof of my bad blogging I want to delete everything I just wrote for being too whiny, pathetic, and uninteresting, but I am going to keep it.