In defense of American underwear

I have had the need to defend American women's underwear on a few occasions, and now I am ready to make my case.

My Brazilian friends were complaining about not being able to buy underwear in the US because it is either enormous, as in, covering the entire bottom, or it is a thong, as in, string up your ass.

Brazilian underwear is somewhere in the middle. It is high cut across the tush essentially dividing each cheek in half--the same cut as the famous Brazilian bikini. While I fully support the Brazilian bikini for making your butt actually look smaller instead of encasing it in a sack, I cannot get behind Brazilian underwear for the following reason:

PANTY LINE

I have never scene such flagrant panty line abuse in all of my travels. When I explained to my Brazilian friends about why the thong exists and why American women are so paranoid about not letting people see their underwear from outside of their clothing, they all looked a little shocked and fully admitted to being in constant violation of VPL.

Brazilian underwear squeezes each cheek and due to its small size leaves a sizable indention in the tush, made all the more visible by tight polyester pants and spandex. Brazilian women are known for working what they got, and unfortunately prominent panty line goes along with it. In Brazilian underwear's defense, obviously panty line isn't a big deal here, so who cares? Let those lines show and be free! But alas, my culture does not feel that way and I am a product of my environment and cannot exhibit such freedom.

Now, the case for American underwear:

If you are wearing jeans or some non-tight fitting bottoms you can wear your big sack underwear, it is comfortable and no one in going to see it, but if you are wearing something form-fitting you have the option of a thong to minimize the VPL. It is about options, but of course, you have to know when to exercise those options and many woman simply fail at this step. American underwear doesn't stand the middle ground--it is all about extremes, but at those outer edges its job is being accomplished.


I rest my case.

The Sky is Falling

Sam has divulged a minor paranoia that he has been harboring during our time here in Brazil that has got me thinking and maybe a little paranoid as well. Basically, he is afraid of getting brained by some large falling object of the fruit variety, and when you look up at the trees here, you realize that he has a point. If you are going to sustain an injury from falling fruit, it is going to be here. We are constantly hearing giant thuds and smacks as fruit hits the cement, our roof, and the parked cars around the neighborhood. I wonder if insurance covers fruit damage? After Sam confessed his paranoia, the next day while walking down the street he heard 3 consecutive thumps of Jambo hitting the ground where he was just standing.

Guava, Jambo, and Cashew are of the baseball size variety, you might feel a little pain, but you will not lose consciousness.

Caju (Cashew--the nut come from the brown cashew-shaped thing on the bottom)

Then you have Mango, Avocado, Graviola, Papaya, and Breadfruit that could do some significant damage. These are heavy fruits and some of them come from very tall trees. Our neighbor has a Mango tree that has hundreds of Mangoes on it, and he also has a little clandestine restaurant with lots of customers sitting under the tree. Just waiting for tragedy to strike. Luckily there are always people cruising the streets with a cut off 2 liter plastic bottle tied to the end of a stick removing mangoes from other people's yards. Who knows the chaos that could instill if this "service" didn't exist?

Bread fruit

Graviola (Guanabana in English, who knew?)

I haven't even mentioned what I consider the one of the most dangerous fruits of all--Jack fruit (Jaca in Portuguese). Jack fruit is frightening due to its sheer size and weight--it can weigh more than 15 kg (more than 30 pounds) and it is a little spiky. They aren't too common in the city so the danger of getting knocked out by a Jack fruit is small and would be your own fault for standing under such a large piece of fruit. Jack fruit is also delicious in small quantities--there is a reason that they sell it cut into small pieces.


But then there is the coconut. When we think of the coconut tree, we picture the quintessential idyllic beach scene, a nice place to sit and ponder the enormity of the world, and yet, so dangerous. Just hearing the sound of those delicious cocos hitting the ground should send shivers down your spine.





All I can say is that I am looking up a little more lately.